Those who have passed ~ Honoring Samhain

For most of my adult life, since I lived in the States, I would see my parents and grandparents every other year.

There was even a time when I decided to take a long break from my father. As a way to reset the dynamic between us. To reclaim some power and independence as an individual.

Considering how violated I felt by his violence and emotional blackmailing, it felt appropriate to me to set up such a powerful boundary.

But now that he's passed, and after years of extremely challenging work on both of our parts to attain a place of peace before his crossing to the other side, I miss him.

And because I was not there to see his physical body one last time, a part of me still awaits his return; still expect to see him again.

It is so interesting to me.

The missing amplified at the year mark, the two years mark, the four years mark, and now the six years mark. Particularly this week, just before Samhain, when the veils are thin and we honor our departed loved ones.

Grandpa's energy showed up this week too. Like clock work, I can feel all my beloved Deads coming to visit.

I actually love feeling them checking in. Like a warm wrap of goodness buffering the crazy reality of these heated times.

That truly is my favorite part ofAll Allows Eve - Halloween - Honoring the dead, and visioning for the coming year.

Deep in my heart the flame of rituals past awakes. I come together with my sisters and brothers. We vision this world in peace. We vision this world in health.

We receive the Blessings of those who see far beyond and before, and we pray to lift the veils on the hearts and minds of those deep in sleep, caught in the miasma of greed and destruction.

Dance a gentle dance my friends. Dance a powerful dance my tribe.

Keep the brightness of your hearts alive, and the magic of the Sacred clean.

The muck

Truly I'm not very excited about revisiting some of my past, but my teachers are moving me to go deeper.

Already this last year, as I've been writing my first book - a romanced memoir offering a self-love map to women - I revisited my repeated abandonment wound, my father's death, my loneliness as a child.

Now the finger is put down on the most disturbing passage of this growing being I am.

The grayer area, the muck, the confusing, the blind spot, the genetic and ancestral violation.

I share this to inspire you in some ways.

The sword I was able to use over time had been tangled in heavy sticky web threads. It is a miracle that I managed to free myself from such a mess.

The dynamic with my father as he was raising me as the single dad of a single child, was less than pure.

It was tainted by so much. And yet I feel a deep love for him.

Everything that was repressed in my father, was expressed to me, either verbally, energetically or physically.

Inappropriate emotional requests were made of me for most of my father's life.

Rage was screamed at my face, and sexual desires were - thank God for me - repressed physically, but expressed energetically.

Physical violence accompanied puberty as I had then become untamable.

To be able to heal, I had to put a large body of water and a vast continent between us as soon as I was able to fly off that far of my own.

To disentangle myself from a contract I did not remember was mine.

It seemed a humanly impossible task.

A mountain that I thought I would never be able to move around.

A weight on my heart, I never thought I would see lift.

And if I had only one thing to love myself by, that would be that: the humongous amount of courage and commitment I've moved through this lifetime to be a healed being.

To be a whole being. Un-fractured, ultimately unscathed, ultimately free of bondage with the past.

That is this journey I am continuing to walk and refine and want to share with you.

I am a survivor, and that allows me to hold space for others.

To inspire you to do the same.

To not give up when the sun is pounding on your back and your breath get shallow.

To not let go when your heart's hand seems out of strength and wants to drop open and let you fall from the lifeline of your own faith.

Keep going, keep walking, keep trusting. We can do this!

This Self-Love Thing

This journey to perfect self love is easy when the Universe shines its goodness upon our world.
But what happens when it's not?
What happens when our reality crumbles or when the reflection we receive are less than pleasing to the heart?
What happens when we make a foolish mistake and it's less than easy to forgive ourselves?
When in our excitement to share our love far and wide we forget to " tie up our camel ", we " throw our pearls to swines"  ( lucky swines ! ) and end up in an emotional ditch?

Personally I think the universe has my back. It has my back so much that it pushes me like the wind: to walk my talk...

"You're an alchemist, you said? Transform that one!"
"An unconditional Self-Love muse?
Love yourself now!"

Thank the Universe I have a strong sense of humor and a darn good built in compassion. For self, and others.

I roar and shed tears but don't drown myself in my own puddle.

So on the perfect Self-Love path, sometimes we fall on our face, and like the children that we are, we pick ourselves up. We dust ourselves, and skip back toward our dreams, standing stronger on our two legs, assisted by wings of light, to make our mark and continue to contribute our bit to make this place better than we found it.

We speak our truth and stand tall, in the name of justice, in the name of peace, in the name of love 'cause our world needs us to keep going. No matter how hard it can seem at times. No matter how far our visions of an harmonious humanity may look. We keep going.

Happy New Moon everyone ❤️

Slaying Dragons is exhausting! A Dark Moon Post

If you’re one of us people who seem to live in a few alternate realities as well as in the one we call “ Normal 3D” you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

If you are not one of these people, there might com a time when you decide to take a leap and cross over the veil sometimes.

After all, why would most people go to the movies and love Sci-Fi and Faerie tales, if the inherent curiosity toward an alternate reality was not part of our human make-up?!

A while back I decided that the use of pranayamas and meditation as a mean to travel to the subtler realms, was more sustainable for me that the use of Marijuana or Ayehuasca.

I had been trained fairly early on, to create rituals and pass safely through different fields of consciousness.

Also early on, I gratefully acquired a very much needed discipline of mindfulness as I lived in a Zen Monastery in my early twenties.

As the family outlaw, following in the tracks of my extravagant, sensitive, violent and wounded father, I found solace in the belief that I had an important purpose in life. That I was being trained by forces beyond the veil, prepared to accomplish something of great value for my tribe and extended family, those who followed the honoring of the indigenous heart in themselves.

Though at times kicking and screaming, I fully embraced a path of service and devotion, carrying my love for humanity and even more for the beauty of the Earth. I anchored my commitment deep within my heart, like a precious gourde of water for a possibly long and dry journey.

As I walked through the jungle of consciousness and lack of, whacking a trail with an improvised machete of my own making, I discovered that there were others in front and behind me. And that by acknowledging each other effort we created a supportive field and brought a bit of ease and sense to each other experience.

So let's say that you also take an approach to your life that includes a certain attention to the mystic labyrinths of your soul journey.

Perhaps at first you are a child with a bright imagination and a love for good stories. Like me, you have a challenging upbringing and develop a resilient spirit with a touch of rebellion which opens you organically to a spiritual hunger. 

The same resilience becomes a winning personality as you grow yourself into an alchemist and learn to always find the gold in the most poisonous of your life's situations.

You acquire a whole set of tools and practices that help you navigate your path with sense and sensibility, healing ancestral pains and advancing you as a visionary, a healer, a teacher, a community heart warrior.

You learn through relationships hurdles, committed to find the answers to suffering in the name of Love itself.

Each loss, each deception, makes you stronger and instead of closing your heart, beautiful soul, you keep opening, you keep dissolving the edge of your own ego, and die a thousand deaths and rebirth a thousand births, becoming a pioneer bushwhacking in the jungle of human evolution.

You keep your eyes on the goal.

If you're a man perhaps you call that goal enlightenment, or freedom of sexual expression or being at peace with the inevitability of death.

If you're a woman you might see this goal as being honored as a mother AND a priestess, or to be at peace with your emotions, or mastering the co-creation of a mutually empowered loving relationship with a devoted monogamist partner ( a lost art form : ).

If you are a transgender or belong to any minority, you might see it as full acceptance and respect from others and finding your place in a society that has not made a supportive one for you yet.

Whatever makes your heart sing with the possibility of full ecstasy and helps you wake up in the morning with a sense of awe and excitement, or peaceful content, this is your battle in a world weaved with constant change at the brink of repair or total destruction.

So you fight your battles in an inner world battered by winds of circumstances and unexpected tests that comes soon as you get a breakthrough.

One dragon at a time.

It can be fucking painful, and sometimes makes you walk the scary edge of depression or reach for a mean to ease the pain. Perhaps you stumble into a cycle of addiction once in a while - we cope how we can until we’re ready to stand strong again - but the quest is alive in you and you come back to the straight line of your perceived devotion and keep digging deeper.
You try to tame your mind and your vibration according to what your learn about cosmology, astrology, sacred geometry, communication and the laws of manifestation.

But ultimately, each battles brings you closer, known or unbeknownst to you, to loving yourself unconditionally. To love the one who does not love you unconditionally.

“Good morning miss Jones, how is it going today?” Ask the school traffic attendant as you park your car to pick up your fledgling.!
“Fine, thank you Howard, and yourself?”

You got raccoon eyes from the tears you just managed to stop from smudging your mascara down to your chin, a knot in your stomach ‘cause you're not quite done severing the head of the last beast you've been wrestling with for the past week, going back to the battlefield at each possible break in the full schedule of your 3D reality.

“Slaying dragons is exhausting”, you finally have a chance to say to your pillow at the end of the day.

Red Self-Love Alert!!

I decided to call today Red Self -Love Alert !

Blame it on Mercury Retrograde, the tail end of the Eclipse season, the political climate or Joe the Schmoe's karma and I, apparently I was not the only one needing that.
I took a warm bath with candlelight and Joao Gilberto in the background, cleaned up my altar, and next I'll paint my toes now...What about you?

How to feel, look and be fabulous, always...

We say age is just a number, but deep in our bones we wonder and perhaps even hide unloving feelings and judgements about entering our years of wisdom.

We want to claim the prize of excellence that could come with the experience of years spent, laboriously or gracefully, growing our souls and hearts, but some of us shy away from wearing the suits that would label us old in the eyes of Youth. We fear separation, exclusion, invisibility.

Even more for women who are single, divorced or widowed, how brave to embrace the big numbers which come with the stigma that dry skin equals juicy-lessness or whatever preconception looming in the corner of our comparative mind!

This male friend of mine came of the dance floor the other night at our weekly music and dance gathering, saying:" Gosh, it's all about numbers!! There is attraction on both sides, physically, intellectually, the vibe is great and then boom! If I reveal that I'm 63, they're gone..." He looked upset about it and truly he does not look 63, but I asked:        "well...are you flirting with the young ones?". "No" he answered with a definite matter of fact expression," but I don't date women that are passed 50!".

How interesting I thought...complaining about numbers...? Numbers will come back and bite you in the butt!

Some of the juiciest, sexiest, most delicious Goddesses I know are 50 plus! They are gorgeous on all levels, smart, funny, empowered ( of course that could be the issue, but that's another article...) and everything but bitter from their lives experiences, so what's the fuss about that 50 gate?

Truly if 40 is the new 30, don't we see that 50 is the new 40?

So how do we make that work for real?

Well, first perhaps we start walking that road as early as possible. Implementing health practices such as good sleep, good healthy foods, spiritual and exercise practices, little use of alcohol, tobacco or other party favors early on. But if you have not taking good care of yourself before, you've been raising a bunch of kids, worked full time, had huge responsibilities or a difficult past to heal, no worries! First forgive yourself, as judgments and unloving thoughts will tighten your jaws, make your eyes squint and add wrinkles to your heart.

Remember that true glow comes from inside and it starts with the love you cultivate for yourself.

Then start implementing at least 3 of these 7 steps per week...and see what happens in 3 weeks.

Step 1: Make a point to turn off your light by 11pm as many nights as possible.

Step 2: If you are not already, choose to eat organic foods as much as possible.

Step 3: Start the day with some kind of meditation, intentional practice, breath exercise. (if you don't know how to start, take my FREE 10-day to Sparkle your Life -Challenge).

Step 4: Exercise at least 3 times a week. You can start small, like walking around the block, going on a gentle hike, do 10 minutes of yoga, or join a pool, or a dance class.

Step 5: Gently wean yourself off sugar, processed food, and heavy meat diet.

Step 6: Choose kindness as your religion.

Step 7: Love, Love, Love yourself.

This is a sweet beginning. We need all of us to shine our light, strength, wisdom and courage at a time where destabilizing waves come strong and often. I look forward to be of service and invite you to walk deeper onto this path of Self-Love and Beauty...     I got tons of tools to share with you. We can start where you are, a teacher or a novice, I'm pretty sure I got something for you.

And I will always remind you that...The Guru is You !!